Surviving Infidelity

A spouse’s infidelity is one of the most painful experiences ever. Unfortunately, more than 50% of all spouses are victims of unfaithfulness, which means that one spouse in most marriages will suffer the greatest pain possible at some time

It will take more than an article – or even a mountain of books – to discuss the task of surviving infidelity, or to cover even a small part of the issues that arise from this painful situation. But we need something to begin with. This article was written both for those who suffered an affair and those who have or had an affair themselves.

Most people cannot imagine having a normal marriage after an affair. After discovering that their spouse was unfaithful, the first reaction of most people is to get a divorce (or kill their spouse, more like).

Should I Get A Divorce?

A divorce is certainly a legitimate way to deal with the situation. The betrayed spouse has every right to decide that this relationship is over. The cheating spouse may choose to live with the lover, and if the reason for infidelity was suffering abuse on the hands of the betrayed spouse, this decision is easy to understand.

But, believe it or not, most affairs do not lead to divorce. In fact, most couples make efforts to reconcile, and often succeed. Your marriage can survive an affair. Healing from infidelity is hard work – both must be committed to reviving the relationship and rebuilding the lost feelings of love and trust.

Avoid Seeing Your Lover

For a start, the cheating wife/husband must promise to stop the affair and sever all contacts with the lover right away. How can you restore the love to your spouse when the lover is still hanging around? All meetings, phone calls and forum chats must stop. If you and your former lover work in the same place, keep your encounters strictly formal.

In addition, the cheating spouse must express a plan to demonstrate his or her commitment to the promise to stop the affair. If your ex- lover contacts you or if you bump into each other on the street, you better tell your spouse about it before they find out about in from someone else. I believe you already know that constant lying is extremely tiresome. This is the time to start being honest with your spouse.

The cheating spouse might find that the first few weeks of separation from the lover can be very painful. It’s like an addiction, and separation has led to a compulsive craving accompanied by anxiety and depression. However, if you stick to your decision not to communicate with your lover, those feelings will gradually subside. It might take a few weeks, but it’s absolutely necessary to stick to your decision if you want to revive your feelings for your spouse and repair your marriage.

Take Responsibility and Apologize

Unfortunately, most affairs do not end with the cheating spouse’s choice to end the relationship with their lover. That’s why the recovery stage usually begins with much bitterness from both sides. Strange as it may seem, it’s very common that the cheating spouse doesn’t feel remorse at all. And it’s also very common for the betrayed spouse to feel that it wasn’t his or her fault. Neither is ready to take responsibility and apologize, preferring to blame the other side.

Of course, an apology is not really necessary. But it can certainly make the process of rebuilding your relationship much easier. The unfaithful spouse should apologize for the infidelity and lying. The betrayed spouse should also apologize for having failed to meet important emotional needs, which might has led to the affair.

Talk About Your Marriage

But in many cases, the blame for not meeting each other’s needs prior to the affair lies with both spouses, so that the relationship is mutually unsatisfying. Many have no idea what their partner expects from them and their relationship and how to meet each other’s emotional needs. Each of the spouses should talk about his or her feelings, and to explain what was missing in the relationship from their point of view. You should know what went wrong before repairing it, right? But try not to make accusative speeches. Speak in a sincere, calm tone. And if you can, try to maintain physical contact. It’s much harder to throw accusations and insults at a person while you’re hugging them. Can’t possibly think of hugging this person right now? That’s understandable. Try to sit as close as possible to each other. Don’t talk in a formal-like environment, like sitting on the opposite sides of the table. Sit cozily together on a couch. These details might sound silly, but believe me, they help to create the atmosphere considerably.

Don’t Dwell on Past Mistakes

After apologizing to each other, both should concentrate on the task of rebuilding their relationship, and not dwell on the mistakes of the past. Once you decided to give the relationship one more chance, both spouses should take responsibility for the task and make every effort to rebuild the marriage. Trying to make the unfaithful spouse feel guilty won’t help your marriage. Guilt will turn to resentment and resentment will turn to anger. The best thing both can do is to ignore the past as much as possible, and focus on what you can do to repair the damage.

So the first and crucial step a couple should take is to lay down the weapons. The second step for both spouses is to “compensate” each other by meeting each other’s unmet emotional or physical needs that may have given the unfaithful spouse an excuse to have an affair. Of course, nothing can really compensate for infidelity. But it’s much more logical to forgive your spouse after he or she makes an effort to rebuild your marriage.

Spend Time With Your Spouse

The couple should spend time together every week (without family or friends), whether going out or doing things together at home, like cooking together.  You probably don’t feel like you want to be together right now. However, it is crucial for both to get to know each other from anew and to listen to each other. So when together, both should avoid expressing anger and demands. Try treating each other with gentleness and consideration. Simply be together.

Talking About the Affair

Another important issue is talking about the details of the affair. It is natural for the betrayed spouse to want to know the details. It is also natural to hesitate to ask for those details, because hearing about it might make us feel even worse. So, should the spouses talk about the affair?

Many marriage specialists are of the opinion that they should, claiming that couples that “talk about it” have more chances to successfully rebuild their relationship and the trust between them. There’s much truth in that. But in reality, we are all different. While some might be strong enough to hear the bitter details, others need some more time to heal. Dr. Frank Gunzburg, a well-known marriage specialist, believes that it won’t do any good trying to speed up the process of healing by forcing the details of the affair from your spouse and ignoring your resentment.  The unfaithful spouse might find it difficult to speak about it too, by the way, fearing the reaction, and not wanting to give the betrayed spouse another chance to make him/her feel guilty again.

It doesn’t mean that the couple should act as if nothing happened. Both may agree not to talk about it for the moment until both are ready. Take your time, and when you feel you’re ready, try to talk about it and see how it goes. And you don’t have to talk about everything right now. You can discuss a bit now, and a bit more later. It is a big thing to digest.

Reviving Your Sex-Life

Now, let’s say a few words about the intimacy issue. Rekindling the sexual passion between the spouses might take a while. Imagining your spouse with his or her lover is unbearable, and many torment themselves wondering whether their spouse compares their body and sexual performances with those of the former lover. Who can make love feeling like that?!

It might take about half a year after the affair for desire to return. The unfaithful spouse shouldn’t expect much from their partner sexually. Show some consideration and give them a chance to overcome their negative feelings.

Overcoming Resentment

Even if you truly and sincerely forgave your spouse and rebuilt your relationship, resentment often lingers on. A blow is that is hard to forget, and many find that the memory of the affair haunts them decades after it happened.

Resentment is a normal reaction. A betrayed spouse has to deal with the unbearable memories of the pain and the lies. However, when there is no longer danger for another affair and the marriage was successfully rebuilt, this reaction might ruin the reconciliation.

We cannot actually forget what happened. But we can overcome the resentment. It fades over time as long as nothing similar happens and both spouses learn to build a physically and emotionally satisfying relationship.

Summary

Let’s sum this up. The most crucial factor in successfully rebuilding marriage after an affair is actually the same factor that enables couples to maintain a stable relationship in ordinary circumstances: both should want this to happen and be ready to work for it. Each has a right to decide that he or she is not interested to make this effort, but once both decide they want to give themselves once more chance despite all that had happened, it is a mutual responsibility to do whatever they can to help each other heal, and to create a warm, satisfying relationship that will make both of you think twice before endangering it in any way in the future.

As I mentioned in the beginning of the article, it will take more than a few books to cover this issue. If you feel like you need a step-by-step guidance, Dr. Gunzburg’s 3-phase system is a good place to start.

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50 Responses to Surviving Infidelity
  1. Ellen Hamilton Reply

    Hello,

    Does the guide you mention in your article have some info on how to deal with a situation when a woman can’t make love to her husband who had cheated even after a reconciliation, because she feels jealous and keeps thinking about him with his lover?

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      Dear Helen,

      Indeed, it does. Feel free to contact me if you have other questions.

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  2. Margaret Edmonds Reply

    Gunzburg really helped to me and my husband.!

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  3. Rosie Davis Reply

    my husband told me he had had an affair several years ago.He’s sorry and wants us to try to save our marriage, but I don’t understand – why tell me now? Why not back then? I’m afraid of leaving him and starting all over again, but I’m too angry of thinking to forgive him or try again..

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      Dear Rosie,

      I think you know why your husband hadn’t told you about the affair back then. He was probably ashamed, and thought he could keep it secret. I can also assume that he didn’t want to lose you as much as you don’t want to lose him now. You’re probably too angry now to decide whether you want to give your marriage another chance, so my advice to you is not to make up your mind right now. when you’re calmer (and it can take weeks, mind), ask yourself if you’re ready to work on your marriage with your husband. Right now, give yourself some time. Feel free to contact me by email if you need someone to talk to.

      Best Regards

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  4. Iris Santos Reply

    I honesly can’t understand how people can think of living with a person who cheated. But it’s true, I know someone who actually did it and they have a good relationship.. People are unbeliavable. Maybe I’m not such a good person.

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      marriage Reply

      Dear Iris,

      Don’t you dare to think that. It’s perfectly natural to think the way you think. the thing is, it’s different when we face it ourselves. I hope it will never happen to you, but as you see, people can overcome many different situations if they are determined to stay together.

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  5. Derrick Pangelinan Reply

    MY wife is in the army,i just saw some pictures of her kissing another guy on her e-mail. She will be home soon,she hasn’t said anything to me yet.she has been gone for 5 months. But, the hurtful part about it all is when we talk,she ask like nothing is wrong.Don’t know what to do. needs some help?

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      Dear Derrick,

      Accept my apologies for the late reply. That hurts indeed. the fact that your wife doesn’t say anything is understandable- that’s quite a thing to confess, especially if the two of you don’t speak face to face. I think that the first question you have to ask yourself is, what do YOU want? I know many men who would split with their wife in a situation like that. Do you want that? If yes, it is legitimate. If, however, you are not yet ready for such a move, the first thing you have to do is talk to your wife about it when she returns. You’ll have to do this whatever your decision might be. Make an effort to speak calmly, and ask her about the photos. If you opened HER email account to see them without her consent, expect a negative reaction from you wife. People tend to get defensive in situations like that. Listen to what she has to say and whether she wants to stay married to you , and then, you might find it easier to decide. I cannot tell you whether to divorce your wife. It is your and hers choice to make, and if the two of you want this, it is, of course, possible. this answer was sent to you via mail, just in case. Please don’t hesitate to write again for additional advice.

      Best Regards

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  6. Helen Ferretti Reply

    I guess it takes lots of moral strength to do that. I couldn’t have. A husband who cheats doesn”t deserve living with me, that’s all. But I do have great respect for people who pull it through.

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  7. Kenneth Kirk Reply

    My wife told me she cheated . We had a really hard conversation. She’s so sorry, I can see that, and I admit I wasn’t giving her too much attention in the last two years, but every time I think of it, I can’t think of living with her anymore. We’re separated, but not divorced, and we keep in touch, write e-mails and stuff.. but I can’t make myself go back to her, and she still wants me too. I don’t really know what to ask, I know what i’m supposed to do, but I just can’t do it, so I guess what I’m asking is – how can I make myself less stubborn?

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      Dear Kenneth,

      First of all, I appreciate your honesty and your ability to admit that it is partly your responsibility for your wife’s unfaithfullness. Still, your feelings are totally understandable. It is a hard thing to forget, and it might take quite a period. I never recommend forcing yourself to brush aside your resentment like nothing happened. If you feel you can’t live with your wife right now, give yourself time. However, it is a good thing that the two of you keep in tough. I would recommend telling your wife all that you told me – that you love her, that you know why she did what she did, but still feel angry and are not ready to get together right now. Ask her to give you time. Make an effort to speak calmly, without accusing her. She feels remorse even if she doesn’t show it, and you don’t want her to get defensive. However, don’t speak coldly. Try to spend some time together, if only just taking a walk together, or dining. You told me you didn’t give your wife enough attention. It’s time to make it up to her and give your relationship a chance to rebuild itself, slowly and gently, till you both feel at ease with each other again. Good luck. Please write again if you need more advice, or visit the links in the end of the article.

      Best Regards

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  8. Dominic Reply

    thank you for this post. my wife had an affair years ago. I was more than happy to do all I can to give us one more try, because I thought it was partly my fault that she felt she couldn’t get what she needed from me and went to look for it with another man- but I almost ruined it because I kept reminding her about the affair and it made her angry and defensive. We barely managed to save our marriage, mostly thanks to my wife.

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      marriage Reply

      Dear Dominic,

      I’m glad to hear that you found the article useful. I’m even more happy to hear that you and your wife have managed to save your relationship despite the obstacles. It seems you have a strong and loving wife, and I’m glad that you both cherished each other enough to hang on. Good luck!

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  9. Andi Reply

    Hello,
    Is there anyway I can email my problem to you as well? I have noone to talk to and really need some advice. Thanks.

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      Dear Andy,

      You will receive an email ( check your spam folder in case you don’t see it). Please feel free to reply to that address.

      Best Regards

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  10. Mel Reply

    Hi,
    I was married for 28yrs. We got divorced a year and a half ago. My ex had an office affair which spilt over to a short lived relationship. In the begining(just after the divorce) I was told they did not sleep together. I went through all the emotions thinkable and eventually decided to back off completely. Just as I took a step toward distancing myself from this ugly mess, my ex recently visited me. We had a nice day together(he always makes sure one of the children are present). At the end of the visit he informs me that he did sleep with this woman aswell as with someone else.(this happened in the last 8mnths).He claims he made a stupid mistake and wants us to put this behind us and try again. I have taken the “no contact” approach,and get the feeling that he took a step back and realised I was serious about letting go.
    I have been loyal all the years we were married and am still loyal up to today. My question is this….I really,really love my husband, but thinking about all the lies, hurt and emotions i had to deal with, i am not sure that he is serious about rebuilding our relationship. Should i concider giving him another chance?We are both 55. Was he just going through a midlife crisis?? He does not want to discuss the issue with the other woman and says I should put it in the past, which I am prepared to do…but…i think I deserve a little information about what happened. Please help??I need someone else’s advice here.
    Thank you.

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      marriage Reply

      Dear Mel,

      Since it is a delicate matter, I’ll send the answer via e-mail and hope to help.

      Best regards,

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  11. NANCY Reply

    Well i do not know what to do?
    been married for 13 years but been together 16 years in total.
    we were young and ended up getting married yr after the birth of our son, i knew what i wanted but found that he was young and needed to grow up as i would hear from his friends and girls calling me to say hes cheating.
    i kept on telling him as the yelling and fighting would happen, he would always say i’m trying to leave him and friends don’t like him and want to see me leave him. which was not the truth. he was deported back to his country til sponcership papers came throught for him to come back to canada. i felt it might be a new chapter when he came but did something i would never thought i’d do and slept with my friend while he was gone and i felt so bad til today as well i can not believe i did it. as i never understand immigration and was told by alot of people he is not coming home as i do not make much to sponsor him.
    the stress of having two children and feeling like a single mom as i never ever wanted to feel and him gone not knowing the faith of us was too much for me. i did handle it all wrong and ended it.
    as i still got bad feelings of him cheating as an on going thing but i just could not find anything to back it up really. made it hard.
    i decided to ask him to move out of toronto to oakville to start fresh and change things to make it better and told him anytime he wants out theres the door.
    we moved and i was pregnant and found a girl calling telling me things but he denied it as it was his friends, friends and i did not like the guy so his friend got mad at me. and he says thats why they called me. then i got pregnant and he made me feel like shit and kept on pressuring me to abot it and i did.
    through all this i told him i feel to walk. but he would say hes not when i felt his cheating.
    one day he came to say he wants to buy a house and i turned to him to have a serious talk to say enough shit! you want a family with me and the kids no more cheating shit, as he would denie it still i told him enough the rest is put in the past but to even thing i want to be in a house and he can not be a husband and a father theres not sense.
    we got the house and things seemed fine sometimes but then i got pregnant last year and same thing he pressed the point of him not wanting any more and me not having feelings as i’[m depressed and stressed with him not knowing if hes still playing around. did not have the baby.
    this summer on may 29 2011 i found texts on his cell and i lost it. i almost killed him and can not believe how i told him while in the house if he can not walk out of this marriage and i ever find out he cheated i will take him for everything i can..
    he’s begging for a last chance, but as i told him to call the girl to end it he did. but i feel i did wrong as i should have let him do it on his own without me saying so to see if he would.
    i hmade a list of things that if he does i might give him that last chance.
    he thinks hes doing all but 5 months now and i really do not see nothing.
    he went to counceling 2 times and 2 times with me as i do not like the guy he tells us he had no reason for what he did hes a man. and he believes he is done with cheating. nw we need to talk 5 mins aday together and do lots of dating to reconnect.
    thats it.
    not to help him find out why as he says he has no reason he just did it.
    i do not think my husband can tell the truth to me or tell me anything as he does not talk about anything. the day i found the text he said she was the only one, little did he know i had help with his cell phone and got all texts and calls. the next 3 days after that girl each day a new one i found out about so all i know in total are 4 which he slept with 3 of them and one not. the girls told me and all these went back to 1 year and half. but he admitted that he was trying to sleep with the one he had not done.
    but he did mention after me yelling so much that he texted many others but never slept with any of them bull sh**!
    aas i decided to move on and yes i have slept with him after this mostly when i’m drunk on weekends to find out he kept telling me i’m pregnant which i never missed my period so i did not even feel it.
    to find he was right and i did not want more as i do not know if he was jealous as i lost weight and dressing nice going out with the girls every friday and saturday night makiing new friends which he did not like as he called some of the male friends back on my cell.
    hes driving me crazy as i want him out!
    he will not leave and he says hes trying to work us out even knowing i miscarried this baby 5 – 6 weeks ago! i told him i do not want any more kids and he makes me sick most times always around and little time he goes out i do not believe him , thinking hes seeing the last girl as she was the only one that know of me and kept going on for less than 2 months. she will not even talk to me as i’m rude….
    as she says.
    i know i mentioned too much but what can you say? or share as i do not know how to go or handle this.
    i like to run when put in this spot like my first childs father and i did mention this to my husband before we got married.
    i fell he wants his cake and eat it too!
    and does not think i will leave him, as i’ve talked to much and thinks its ok to do what he does.
    i feel hes waiting til i act like its ok and slowly her will change ways so i do not find out as i think hes going crazy to know his phone fell out of its case in the car that day.
    but one more thing as we got home and continued yelling he had the nerve to turn to me and thank me for catching him as he did not know how to stop.
    is there any hope? hes 37 yrs old and i am too but more mature and he says hes reqalizing he was and is immature and is trying to mature and learn how to be better husband.
    he is a good lier!!! and he knows that too.
    where to go and what to do???? i have no one to talk to but read online topics but most are of men who cheat with on or two for short or long not many woman every month or so please share your thoughts thanks

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      marriage Reply

      Dear Nancy,

      Thank you for sharing your feelings so openly, I believe it’s not easy. Please check your email (including the Spam folder) for my reply, as this is a delicate subject and I would like to respect your privacy.

      Regards

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      • NANCY Reply

        sorry nothing was in my e-mail nor spame please forward again and thank you

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          marriage Reply

          Dear Nancy,

          I will send the email again from a Hotmail account. I’m sending to the same address you left me in the comment. There’s no need to apologize, I’m sorry for the inconvenience.

          Best Regards

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  12. Nancy Reply

    My husband is still communicating with his ‘emotional’ affair person and he says he is ‘weaning’ off of her, and I asked him how long that would take and he said ‘a very long time.’ She is a lonely widow and keeps calling and emailing him. How long should I let this continue? I have been married almost 24 years and he was never had a relationship like this until he say her at his high school reunion in June.

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      marriage Reply

      Dear Nancy,

      Let me think about it. I will send you an e-mail tomorrow or on Sunday, to the address you left in your comment.

      Best Regards,
      Renata

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  13. Bob Reply

    May I have your email a little shy about airing my dirty laundry

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      marriage Reply

      Dear Bob,

      I sent an e-mail to the address you left in your comment. I sure it was the right address.

      Best Regards,
      Renata

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  14. Joe Reply

    I have recently stumbled onto the fact that my wife had some amount of an affair several years ago with her now boss. I know she loves me and I her, but thru our conversations thus far I have avoided asking for the details of how far it went and how long and why it ended. I am so scared to know the specifics but I don’t know if I can fully get past this without knowing. The stakes are so great with a young daughter in the picture that I don’t know if knowing is worth risking everything but again I don’t know if we’ll make it without getting it all out. What do I do???

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      marriage Reply

      Dear Joe,

      Does your wife know that you are aware of the affair?

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      • Joe Reply

        Yes, we’ve discussed it but again never got to the specifics. My wife is very good at changing the course of a conversation or I am just very bad at keeping on point and I just didn’t dig any deeper. I discovered it thru e-mails that she kept for the last several years. We discussed at length of how wrong it was for me to intrude her privacy like that but we never really discussed the affair. The e-mails point to a business trip with her now boss and that at a minimum kissing took place. But I have been terrified to ask what else happened or for how long it went on for. We were in a bad place during that time with a lot of stress on both of us and I know that I have some hand it her seeking comfort with someone else but the fact that she has hid it for all these years and we could of hashed this out prior to having our daughter makes it that much harder to get past this.

        I know I love my wife and will do everything I can to make our marriage work. I know we are heading in the right direction since this came out but I have two sides of me with one saying to know that something happened and that she is remorseful about it is enough and to just concentrate on making the future better. The other half doesn’t know if I’ll be able to move on without knowing everything and I don’t want this to be in the back of my mind anymore. When I’m with her I feel like I used to before all of this but when I’m alone, the images and thoughts that come rushing into my head makes it almost unbearable. I don’t know if these thoughts will just fade with time assuming things keep heading in the right direction or they never will and with the next inevitable future argument I will throw this at her completely outside of the what the argument was about. I just don’t know if I hear that more than a kiss took place, that I will be able to ever get to a point were I can forgive her. Stay the course and hope the doubts and hurtful thoughts fade over time or risk my family falling apart in finding questions that just won’t go away??? I just need some direction.

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          marriage Reply

          Dear Joe,

          It seems that the two of you have succeeded to put your marriage on the right track and of course, it would be a shame to risk your relationship. However, resentment tends to build over time, and if you still think about it, I doubt your hard feelings will fade away completely. On the other hand, nobody can guarantee that they will fade away even after you know the details of the affair. I understand that you have considered this possibility. If you’re afraid to lose your temper, it is better you talk to your wife. Tell her about your feelings in the same words you told me. Share your doubts and fear of losing her vs wanting to know more about the affair. Talk about your love for her, tell your wife that you don’t intend to make her feel guilty. Ask her if she is willing to share at least some of the details for your sake.

          Obviously, it will not be an easy conversation. Choose a comfortable place and time to help you and your wife feel less tense and more intimate, for example, during a quiet walk. Consider hugging your wife while you talk. Talk in a sincere, calm (not cool!) tone.

          Best Regards,
          Renata

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  15. yeliz tolga Reply

    Hi

    great article, could you please email me too. i’s rather delicate.

    thanks

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      marriage Reply

      Dear Yeliz,

      I emailed you as you requested. Please check your Spam folder as well.

      Best Regards,
      Renata

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  16. dabandit Reply

    I came across this article today after learning yesterday that my husband of 5 years has been having a (mostly) emotional affair with an old high school girlfriend. It was devastating news, to say the least, but I’m willing to forgive him for what has been done, knowing that my lack of communication skills with him probably caused part of this. I was crushed, however, when he told me he wasn’t sure he wanted to reconcile with me because it would take “too much work” for which he “doesn’t have the energy”. Do I need to give him more time before I bring this discussion up again or do you think this marriage is basically over. We had a lengthy discussion last night but it probably wasn’t the best day to talk after just finding out about this. There were obviously some angry words exchanged and a lot of hurt. I feel like he’s throwing away everything we had to chase this married woman who may not leave her husband and, even if she does, may not be a better match than me. Would love any feedback on this. Thanks!

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      marriage Reply

      Dear Mrs [],,?

      Since we never met, I don’t know much about your communication skills. However, your readiness to forgive is admirable and the fact that you’re ready to work on your marriage is worth something. The thing is, you can’t “save” your marriage alone. Unfortunately, not every situation has a nice solution that fits everyone involved. If your husband is not ready for this right now, it won’t help talking about it over and over again, at least in this stage, when he’s probably confused as well and ready to contradict everything you say. Whether or not this woman will ever leave her husband should not be your concern, and I wouldn’t discuss it with your husband in any case. I definitely wouldn’t discuss with him the question who of you is the better match or rush forward to forgive him, especially if he’s not sorry yet. Or is he?. What does your husband want? Did he mention divorce? Would you be ready to consider to separate for while to cool off a bit? Your husband might change his mind after a while and decide that he wants to work on your marriage after all- are you ready to wait and see if it happens? Yes, there’s no ready-made answer right now. IS this marriage over? I can’t really tell, without seeing how the two of you communicate or knowing how your husband feels about you deep inside. My general advice is, again, not to rush forward offering forgiveness. That is not to say that you have to make a scene and threaten to divorce him. Just try to understand what your husband wants, consider to give him some time and space for a while (if you think it’s partly your fault) or just try to continue living your life together and make an effort to improve whatever you think is wrong with your communication skills and try and stay calm to see what happens. And waiting is the hardest part.

      I hope it made some sense to you. Don’t hesitate to write again, and good luck.

      Renata

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  17. Brian Reply

    I would like to discuss my problem can you send me your email. Thank you

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      marriage Reply

      Dear Brian,

      You will receive my e-mail. Please check your Spam if you don’t see anything in your Inbox.

      Best,
      Renata

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  18. Claire Reply

    I really don’t get it how a woman who’s just found out that her boyfriend cheated on her thinks right away about forgiving him. WTF?! No matter what happened between them, he’s the one who chose to solve the issue by cheating, not her! I think there’s something seriously wrong with women like that, who’re afraid to get pissed on their boyfriend because he might break up with her!

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  19. Lisa Reply

    What, try to rebuild marriage after my husband cheated on me?! In his dreams.

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  20. jamila musa Reply

    I am so hurt my husband is cheating on me with so many girls and I don’t know what to do, coz he loves me and he care for me but I don’t no why he do those things?

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      marriage Reply

      Dear Jamila,

      It seems that your husband doesn’t appreciate just how much his behavior hurts you. This type of behavior is not that rare, actually – the husband loves his wife but has affairs nonetheless. I don’t know if the communication between you and your husband is good and whether you can (or want) to discuss this with him. If you feel you can – I’d recommend you to talk with him and explain that you feel hurt, though you know he loves you. If you cannot discuss it with him- well, it is up to you to decide whether you are ready to continue this marriage, and I will not advise you anything in this point, because I don’t know enough about your situation – emotionally, economically etc. Feel free to write again if you need advice.

      Best Regards,
      Renata

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  21. Ana Reply

    I think that sometims it’s about finding the person whom you wouldn’t want to cheat. I know a great couple, and before they got married, both used to cheat on their boyfriends/girlfriends, the guy was doing married women, the girl used to sleep with several guys at once ( well, not in one bed) – and now they’re fully committed.

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  22. Ashlee Reply

    I’d never, ever forgive my husband for cheating! Told him that on our first date, hehe.

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  23. Joshua Reply

    Hi, it seems I’m not the only guy around here, umm..that’s comforting. I’d rather talk about it by email, OK?

    Thanks
    Joshua

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      marriage Reply

      Hi Joshua,

      Please check your Inbox and Spam for mail.

      Best Regards,
      Renata

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  24. creatura Reply

    Unbelievable. How can people cheat and live with themselves.

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  25. Florin Reply

    How do I recconect with my ex wife?

    We were together for 17 years. We divorced a month ago, it was her decision. We have two kids. she had a midlife crisis that included her having an emotional affair. She won’t go to couples therapy. I want to reconnect with her.

    Sometimes when I talk to.her, its like I have my wife back and we are communicating better than ever. This usually happens when she needs emotional support for one reason or another. Other times, she keeps me at an emotional distance and tries to.maintain a ‘nice respectful friendship’. Communications are concise. She doesn’t open up to me. How do I get her to open up to me more? My goal is to get my family in tact again.

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  26. Lisa Reply

    could really use some advice…..

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      marriage Reply

      Lisa,

      How can I help you?

      Renata

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  27. Doug Reply

    I need advice, could I get your email?

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