sexless marriage

Saving Your Marriage

During the course of my work, I receive copious mails from men and women, requesting my advice regarding their marriages. Some complain about an unfaithful husband or wife, others say their partners don’t care for sex anymore. Naturally, all of them feel bad and want to solve their issues. Surprisingly enough, no matter how bad the situation is, none of them mentions the possibility of a divorce.

In some cases, when it seems that a relationship is beyond repair, I carefully offer to consider the possibility of a separation. In some cases, I talk about a trial separation. Sometimes, about a divorce. And the reactions I get are amazing. One woman actually thanked me for saying what she was afraid to think about. Another wrote that the marriage advisor she was seeing insisted that to solve their problems, she and her husband must stay together, and said my answer was refreshing to hear. It seemed as though they were waiting for someone to tell them what they were afraid to think about themselves.

Not all couples make it through. Some marriages inevitably fail, and no one knows better than you whether yours is worth saving. Eventually, it’s all about whether you feel good in this relationship, but as time passes, many tend to forget what that means.

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Sexless Marriage

Marriage does not necessarily kill the spark in your sex life. The happiest couple I know has been married for thirty years, and not only they still have great sex, but they also kiss in public. As for statistics, an American nationally representative survey found that married couples have more sex and enjoy it more.

However, most studies find that the frequency of marital sex declines sharply during the first year of marriage, with a slow but steady decline thereafter. Let’s see some numbers from the survey: 13% of married couples reported having sex a few times per year, 46% reported a few times per month, 34% reported 2-3 times per week, and 7% reported 4 or more times per week. About 15% of couples in the U.S. alone live in a sexless relationship, that is, when sexual activity occurs ten times or less in a year. A sexless marriage is more likely to end in divorce, or what’s worse, in complete indifference for the situation. You’ll be surprised how many couples “survive” without sex, claiming that “sex isn’t what matters in marriage”. And while such marriage may last many years, thus earning the coveted title “a stable marriage”, such couples miss quite a lot.

Sexual intimacy is one of the most important things that binds partners together. It makes us feel attractive and loved, emotionally closer to our beloved person, relieves stress and ensures a good night sleep.

There are quite a few reasons why your husband/wife doesn’t want sex anymore, and I’ll only mention the most common: Fatigue, boredom resulting from routine sex practices or when your partner’s body no longer excites you as it used to do, one of the partners (or both, mind) is gaining weight, emotional problems between the two of you, unresolved differences in attitude toward sex, a medical condition or a past affair led by one of the partners. Age may also be a factor, but many couples in their late 70’s continue to have regular sex, leaving much younger competitors behind.

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