I personally knew a couple that was about to get married after four years together. But shortly before the wedding, the girl suddenly panicked. Her fiancé was her first man, and she was afraid that she haven’t experienced enough in life and won’t be able to fully commit herself to one man. Their relationship started to deteriorate and not wanting to lose her, the boyfriend, (not the girl!) offered a timeout. They agreed on a separation period. Today, they’re happily married.
A trial separation is not an easy experience and a hard decision to make, but it helped some couples to save their marriage. If your relationship is in trouble, then this is an option that you and your partner should consider, whether you’re married or just in a relationship.
A trial separation gives both partners some time and space to think about their marital issues without the constant stress and fighting at home. However, many are afraid that a trial separation might finally draw them apart. Some think that when their partner offers a trial separation, he/she is just looking for an excuse to get away but is too afraid to ask for a divorce. And indeed, it might so happen that during the separation period, one of the partners or both may realize that divorce is the right thing to do and what’s more, they may appreciate the freedom and see that divorce isn’t as frightening as it seemed before the separation.
There are, of course, some cons in a trial separation that you should consider. Children might find it hard to cope with their parents’ separation. The kids’ reaction might add to the already existing strain, so you and your spouse should decide how to break the news to them together, in the most considerate way possible.
If you decide to give a trial separation a try, there are several things you should remember:
- The decision should be mutual.
- The partners should carefully plan the separation period together, for example, decide who will take the kids and when the other parent can visit them.
- You and your partner should be aware of the two possible outcomes of this experience
A marriage trial separation is not an omnipotent solution that will work for every couple. Every marriage has its issues, and every couple should pick a method that suits both parties. But this option has helped many couples to rebuild their relationships. Amy Waterman’s guide is a good place to learn more about planning a trial separation and decide whether this method suits you.
35 Responses to Trial Separation: Will It Save Your Marriage?
Trisha 13/03/2011
weird but true. when me and my boyfriend separated it did make me appreciate my freedom more… but we got back 2gether again in the end:)))
Nadia 15/03/2011
still afraid to try it:( my boyfriend offered it once, as if in a joke, because I was having doubts, but I was terrified at the idea so he dropped it.
sharon 16/03/2011
that was helpful. hopefully. thanks. anyway.
martha 16/03/2011
dealing with the kids was the hardest thing when we separated. i hate to remember it now, but hey, it worked, so I guess i got nothing to complain about.
Manuel 16/03/2011
looking serious. ah, he’s Jewish, that makes me trust him more:)
Stacey 16/03/2011
it helped me and my boyfriend stay together.
alex 16/03/2011
mu wife wants tht, but i dunno.. guess i gotta give it a try, at least we tried to do something..
Ivy 17/03/2011
yep, bad sex DOES happen, and it takes time to learn that it happens and it’s natural..
Tony 17/03/2011
thnk you very much.
Janet 17/03/2011
well, we broke up after separation, but u’r right, it’s not as bad as it seems once u taste freedom
Juan 19/03/2011
You made some good points there.
Glenn 20/03/2011
me and my husband r thinking about it, but we’r afraid for the kids, they’re stressed already.
stan 20/03/2011
i don’t think i could have done that, but useful info anyway.
Colin 21/03/2011
It’s really a nice and useful piece of information.
Alison 22/03/2011
sounds like it’s worth a try although i am still doubtful.
Tina 28/03/2011
There are lots of strange comments on here……
Angela Strub 08/06/2011
I really liked Amy Watereman’s book. It helped me with some issues – not a trial separation, thankfully me and my husband never got that far:)
Katie Contreras 08/06/2011
haha, seeing my ex flirting with other girls was where I snapped:))
kaileigh freiger 15/06/2012
I’d go for it, at least so I can tell myself I did everything I could to help myself.
Amber 15/06/2012
It seems like an easy way to get used to the idea of divorce.
marriage 15/06/2012
Hello,
It may indeed end up like this and if it does, a separation WILL make it easier, so there’s nothing bad in it. But it may also help a couple to reunite. I’ve seen it happen more than once.
tina 15/06/2012
Hello,
I recently discovered that my boyfriend has been cheating on me for quite a while. We’ve been together for 7 years, and I still love him, but how can I be with someone who lied to me?! He hasn’t even told me about the affair, and behaves as if everything was normal. Should I tell him I know? Please help.
Tina
marriage 15/06/2012
Dear Tina,
Please check your Inbox and Spam for an e-mail from me.
Regards,
Renata
Sasha 15/06/2012
Hi,
I’d like to write you an e-mail please..can I?
Sasha
marriage 15/06/2012
Hi Sasha,
Please check your Inbox and Spam for an e-mail from me.
Regards,
Renata
Amit 03/07/2012
must admit I;m not sure I’d had the guts to do it.
April 27/09/2012
Hi, my husband keeps demanding trial separation but I know he only wants to be away from me. I still ove him and don’t want divorce. what can I do?!
marriage 30/09/2012
Hello April,
Please check your Inbox and spam folder for an e-mail.
Regards,
Renata
Stella m. 30/11/2012
nothing to be afraid of. If after separating, both decide to break up, it means it wasn’t meant to be. So it works.
Narmeen 12/01/2013
I want to try, but my husband will never agree. He’s religious..
June 09/03/2013
Totally worked for ussssssssssssss!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ellie 14/04/2013
i need advice on how to leave a lying and cheating boyfriend please help me?
Rick 14/05/2013
Is it a good idea to do a trial separation? My wife said she wants this and intends to take our youngest child, and leave me in the house. I’m afraid it won’t work and concerned about the boy, who might miss his regular kindy. Any experience or advice appreciated.
marriage 14/05/2013
Dear Rick,
Please check your Inbox and Spam for a reply.
Renata