I personally knew a couple that was about to get married after four years together. But shortly before the wedding, the girl suddenly panicked. Her fiancé was her first man, and she was afraid that she haven’t experienced enough in life and won’t be able to fully commit herself to one man. Their relationship started to deteriorate and not wanting to lose her, the boyfriend, (not the girl!) offered a timeout. They agreed on a separation period. Today, they’re happily married.
A trial separation is not an easy experience and a hard decision to make, but it helped some couples to save their marriage. If your relationship is in trouble, then this is an option that you and your partner should consider, whether you’re married or just in a relationship.
A trial separation gives both partners some time and space to think about their marital issues without the constant stress and fighting at home. However, many are afraid that a trial separation might finally draw them apart. Some think that when their partner offers a trial separation, he/she is just looking for an excuse to get away but is too afraid to ask for a divorce. And indeed, it might so happen that during the separation period, one of the partners or both may realize that divorce is the right thing to do and what’s more, they may appreciate the freedom and see that divorce isn’t as frightening as it seemed before the separation.
There are, of course, some cons in a trial separation that you should consider. Children might find it hard to cope with their parents’ separation. The kids’ reaction might add to the already existing strain, so you and your spouse should decide how to break the news to them together, in the most considerate way possible.
If you decide to give a trial separation a try, there are several things you should remember:
- The decision should be mutual.
- The partners should carefully plan the separation period together, for example, decide who will take the kids and when the other parent can visit them.
- You and your partner should be aware of the two possible outcomes of this experience.
A marriage trial separation is not an omnipotent solution that will work for every couple. Every marriage has its issues, and every couple should pick a method that suits both parties. But this option has helped many couples to rebuild their relationships. Amy Waterman’s guide is a good place to learn more about planning a trial separation and decide whether this method suits you.