Saving Your Marriage

Marriage /  / By Trouble Marriage / 955530 views

During the course of my work, I receive copious mails from men and women, requesting my advice regarding their marriages. Some complain about an unfaithful husband or wife, others say their partners don’t care for sex anymore. Naturally, all of them feel bad and want to solve their issues. Surprisingly enough, no matter how bad the situation is, none of them mentions the possibility of a divorce.

In some cases, when it seems that a relationship is beyond repair, I carefully offer to consider the possibility of a separation. In some cases, I talk about a trial separation. Sometimes, about a divorce. And the reactions I get are amazing. One woman actually thanked me for saying what she was afraid to think about. Another wrote that the marriage advisor she was seeing insisted that to solve their problems, she and her husband must stay together, and said my answer was refreshing to hear. It seemed as though they were waiting for someone to tell them what they were afraid to think about themselves.

Not all couples make it through. Some marriages inevitably fail, and no one knows better than you whether yours is worth saving. Eventually, it’s all about whether you feel good in this relationship, but as time passes, many tend to forget what that means.

Why do we want to be in a relationship? Why do we feel the need to be with someone? Because something in a person makes us feel really good and comfortable. We feel good about being with them. Moreover, we feel good about ourselves while being with them. We need the love, the support and the feeling of security they give us. But if a relationship doesn’t give us all that, we should ask ourselves why we’re here in the first place.

Nobody wants to think about divorce. It means leaving behind the life we know and the person that shared our days, nights and dreams for years. It means exchanging the familiar routine for the unknown, and starting a new life all by yourself. Will you ever find love again? Some couples have the financial issue to consider. Not everybody are economically independent, and this is a thing to bear in mind if you think about separating. Besides, there are the kids. How will your divorce affect them, and their future lives?

Staying together for the kids is not a solution. If this is what you’re doing, you better think twice. An unhappy couple can never raise a happy child. Growing up in a stressed, gloomy atmosphere can cause a child more damage than a divorce. I would know, being raised in this atmosphere.

Regarding the financial issue, each couple has its circumstances and there are many possible ways to cope. There are numerous financial services and divorce analysts that offer divorce financial planning and can help you get a decent divorce settlement.

As for getting a second chance, you have every chance to have one. Many find love again. Some remarry, others live together. Couples with children from previous marriages give birth to children of their own. There is life after divorce. There’s no reason why you should not have one. And if you choose this course after all, there’s no reason for you to cope will everything on your own. Consult divorce planning services, many of which you can find on the web. You’ll be surprised to know how much these offer- starting with financial advice and ending with emotional support.

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  • Lexie

    First time I see this kind of message on a “marriage-saving” site. Cool.

  • Kristen

    Hi! what if my husband does everything he can to save our marriage, but I’m just not into it anymore? I feel really bad, he’s so loving and all, but I’m not in love, and I feel awful. Can I do anything to change the way I feel?!

  • emma doakes


  • Trouble Marriage


    It’s harder to leave when the other person is the perfect partner. We tend to feel ashamed of ourselves. You haven’t done anything wrong, however. If you’re absolutely sure of your feelings, then you should what feels right, even if it means hurting the other person’s feelings. Good luck.

  • Trouble Marriage

    I’m glad you liked the article.

  • Carlene C. Cleveland

    Now, this is a very difficult one, and very painful for many people. You know how when you got married, everyone said you were marrying your fiance’s family, as well as your fiance? Well, this truth also works in reverse. When you divorce your wife, you are also divorcing her family. IN MOST CASES. You see, just like the friends, family will often feel forced to take sides, and guess who they are going to pick? Of course, their son or daughter! So, the relationship with your in-laws will probably change, if not end.

  • catherine

    What if I know that our marriage is doomed, but my husband plays the hero and intends to “save it” against my will? It’s like I’m the bad guy here, and it’s not true! He’s a good man, but I want out.

  • Juan

    I’ve been separated from my wife and 4 kids for close to 7 months now. She asked me to move out because I wouldn’t stop insisting to hear the truth about her affair 9 years ago (found out 6 years ago). She’s minimized the extent of the affair and I have no doubt there is MUCH more than she minimally admitted. She has anger issues and says things in haste. She’s told me a few times to go ahead and file so I did. She’s had the papers for 2 months and hasn’t signed them. We’re all in limbo. I cannot move forward in a marriage when I know without a doubt that she will not be honest. Feeling lost and empty. 🙁

  • Trouble Marriage

    I’m sorry to hear that. You want to know what really happened, and it’s more than understandable. I do suspect, however, that your wife said less than you wanted to hear trying to save your marriage. The fact that she still hasn’t signed the papers may prove the same thing, despite the fact that your wife told you to file for divorce herself (but you said she says things in haste?). She might have thought that although you demand the truth, you may be less prepared to hear it than you think you are. Was it the only thing in which she wasn’t honest with you during the years since the affair, or do you have other reasons to doubt her feelings?

  • Rosa

    I loved the message in this article, and I have always believed it is true, that’s why I am seriously considering a divorce of an infidel liar man. Not only has he lost interest in sex although we have only been married 1 year now, but I have caught him several times chatting on meeting websites trying to get himself a new adventure. Not to mention how insensetive he is to me and how I feel about stuff, his constant lying and even humiliating me in public, with our friends, etc. I can not be financially independent just now, but I am seriously considering it for the future, before I can take the step out. In the same time, the time I give him now will either prove me totally right, or prove me wrong and that those behaviour were only exceptions.

  • Sheilah

    I have heard that couples who try a Mini Divorce, meaning they behave as if they are divorced, yet, not legally, and it wakes them up to a reality, usually refreshing their passion and they are happier with being married!

  • Trouble Marriage

    Well, if it works for them, why not?

  • Trouble Marriage

    Rosa, it’s good to hear that the article inspired you! And whatever you decide to do with your marriage, achieving financial independence is the best you can do, whenever you can do it. Best of luck!